daily fieldnotes

The Restless Days 5

There’s an arc to every trip here. A recognizable shape that my body knows, and my mind and heart weather. First there are The Arrival Days. Everything is bright and chattery. Phone calls to welcome us, an uncle stopping by, a first trip to the old town to visit Basil’s great grandma. Glorious quiet during Basil’s naps, and time to myself in cool morning breezes. Late nights writing with bare shoulders outside on the porch like right now. Day after day of dresses and sandals, never once taking out the light sweaters I brought.

Then about a week or 10 days in, The Restless Days hit. Suddenly I’ve been away from home long enough. I am tired of how little we do here, how it’s the same day after day. How I’m not working towards anything, and I want to be. How we get not family time just the three of us. How it’s too hot to do anything.

On the first morning after the restlessness comes, I lay down on the cool grass by the lavender and listen to the bumblebees and honeybees at work. I look up at the blue sky and feel the grass prickling my back. I play with Basil and take pictures. By 9 he’s ready for a nap and it’s too hot to be outside much longer. But the pictures of the lavender fill me up the rest of the day. Somehow their wistful purple against the unchanging blue sky captures the yearning I feel.

On Sunday the mid-trip restlessness drives us to brave the furious evening heat to walk around in old town Toledo and get frozen yogurt at our favorite place. The sun had finally left all the main plaza’s benches in the shade. But it was still so hot that I burned the back of my legs sitting down on one stone bench. It was like sitting on the roof of a car after hours of driving. We had to eat the ice cream fast because it turned liquid at the edges with each spoonful. Basil watched other children playing and turned to us for bite after bite. Then we wandered in and out of a couple air-conditioned stores looking at the sales, and I bought a light cotton white sweater appropriate for the more mild temperatures of home.

I came home a little bit renewed. Mostly from the sweet time with just the three of us. But the mid-trip restlessness continues. Today, JJ left on the first train for Barcelona, and I started making lists for my week. What to cook. What to write. Where to go with Basil when my in-laws are off doing their work and activities. It helps a little.

Later this week when JJ gets back we’ll go into the final chapter of the trip, The Last Days. There will be favorite meals made. Technology for JJ to install. Last visits to family and friends. Suitcase conversations three days out. And tears because Basil is more fun every time we come and it’s harder to say goodbye. Every trip has the same arc, the same familiar shape like an old tree outside your kitchen window. The hardest part is the restlessness of these middle days when I’m still firmly here, but wanting here to feel different.


  1. Megsie

    07/08/2013 at 9:05 pm

    So much of life has predictable arcs. I love how you named it. This is such a great description. When I was young, I never noticed anything. I just went blindly through life. I missed so much. My husband taught me how to pay attention to nature. How to be still, how to look for movement, how to know where to look. Having babies taught me how to pay attention to my own body. I was shocked that I could predict things from paying attention. This is a great reminder to pay attention. I may go back and re-read some posts from past summers. I am sure there is an arc or two recorded. I am so happy you are writing here. I get so much out of your words!

  2. lizardek

    07/09/2013 at 7:22 am

    That top photo is matchless. Beautiful!

  3. Willow

    07/11/2013 at 7:45 am

    Thanks Meg and Liz!

  4. Cynthia Newberry Martin

    07/12/2013 at 6:53 am

    Stunning photo at the top. And arcs and lists–nice.

    • Willow

      07/14/2013 at 1:39 pm

      Thanks Cynthia, that photo is one of my favorites.


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